So, you’ve met a nice female human but have found out that *gasp* she is a FEMINIST. What now?? First, take a deep breath. Everything is going to be fiiiiiiiine. Feminists are just like normal humans who believe that everyone should be treated equally, with kindness and respect. Here are some tips.
- Mansplain feminism to her.
- Mansplain anything else to her.
- Ask her if she hates all men. We don’t. Just the douchebags.
- Call her honey, baby, sweetie pie, etc before you have known her for more than a hot minute.
- Get smashingly drunk then tell her you don’t have time for her feminist bullshit and you don’t really like her, after you have insisted on making her pick you up and going on a date during a flood warning, gotten trapped in a flooded parking lot, and had to hang out for five fucking hours of awkward dateness before she finally tells you to go fuck yourself and leaves you at a bar to walk alone to her trapped car at 1 in the morning–none of which you remember doing the next day (true story; that happened).
- Stare at any of her body parts on your first date.
- Ghost her. If the date doesn’t go well, just find a nice way to say that, instead of leaving her hanging because that’s just actually really fucking rude and you shouldn’t do that to anyone.
- Let her own her own space.
- Listen more than speak.
- Ask her what her job is, what is important to her. Respect her expertise.
- Turn her on with your intellect/lack of typos in texts. Short men, nerds, and dadbods, I’m talking to you. Rejoice, for most feminists are sapiosexual.
- Be honest about what you want out of your time with her.
- Ask questions. (Yes, including what she likes in the bedroom, if the conversation is going in that direction. Super helpful to have that conversation before any, as a favorite former English professor of mine called it, “getting nooky” occurs, and also it’s fun and pretty sexy verbal foreplay.)
- Google “mansplaining” before your first date. (Really, do.)
- Actually just read every damn article on Everyday Feminism and you’ll have plenty to talk about/impress her with. Nothing is sexier to a feminist then whispering “tell me about intersectional feminism” in her ear.
- Treat her like a fucking queen.
Congratulations. If you’ve made it through all that and are still dating a feminist, you are ready to discover that this funny little belief we have in equality extends into the bedroom. You’re welcome. (Also, this, for down the road.)