Ladies, if you have dated any time in the past five years, you know all about ghosting, right? You match with someone, exchange messages, meet up, everything is going great, then all of the sudden POOF, they are gone.
WTAF do men do this? (Women do it to, surely, but my expertise here lies with all the men who have done this to me.)
The first thing you need to know is: It’s not you, it’s them.
I was once on an early days date with a very open, honest communicator, discussing a recent ghosting experience that was driving me mad. “Why? Why do men do this? WTAF?”
“Well,” he said, after giving it some thought. “I think men do this to you specifically because you are just…a lot. And most men cannot handle that. So instead of dealing with an honest, independent, smart woman such as yourself, they just, you know, flee. [Thoughtful pause.] I’m still actually deciding whether or not to ghost you after this date.”
“Huh. Interesting. So it’s actually a compliment. I am just so awesome that they feel they are not worthy of my greatness?”
“And they can’t just tell me this, or at least make up some excuse, rather than leaving me hanging?”
“We men are not such evolved creatures. We don’t really know how to handle our shit, or are at least still learning how to. Sorry. On behalf of men.”
“But it’s just rude.”
“I know. It is. Again, sorry on behalf of my people.”
“And you don’t know if you are going to ghost me?”
“I’m going to try not to, but I’m kind of an ass, and still learning how not to be. It’s a work in progress.”
“I see. Well, that is really useful to know. [Thoughtful pause.] At this current moment, do you want to ghost me or be my boyfriend? Which direction would you say you are leaning in?”
“Excellent. Would you like to go have mindblowingly awesome sex now, boyfriend?”
“Yes, girlfriend, I certainly would.”
Postscript: In the end, he did ghost me. Once for a week, but he managed to send one text that just said, “Everything is fine. I’ll be in touch.” Then about a month later, POOF. Ghosty ghost. Then about three months later, an apology phone call. Which ended with him inviting himself over, then not showing up & never speaking to me again. That’s right, dear reader. He ghosted me, apologized, and then did it again. Work in progress, indeed.
Postpostscript: Two years later, I decided enough time had passed that I could Facebook snoop without causing heart palpitations, and it seems he has managed to remain with a woman for over a year, and looks happy, so, you’re welcome, jerkface. Glad we made some progress.
BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN GHOSTING THAT YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF, dear reader. (Sorry.)
Here is a helpful video to explain some of the assy shit that people do while dating these days, including:
And then there is mosting. In the example above, I only had reference to the term ghosting, but it turns out I was actually mosted.
Mosting occurs when a partner comes on super strong and seems really into you…for the first few dates, or perhaps just one date. Mosting is when “someone goes overboard on the fluff job and then vanishes”, according to this story. It’s basically a way to get into someone’s pants by telling them how amazing and incredible and awesome they are, using phrases like “you’re the One” and “I’ve finally met my soulmate” way too soon. Mosting capitalizes on lonely people -again, mostly women- being predated upon by people looking for an opportunity to get into their pants, and taking any avenue they can to get there.
Yeah, I know. It’s a fucking dumpster fire out there. But that is why we are here, to help you wade through all the toxic shit and find the one or two real men out there in the universe who can truly handle their shit, and you, because you are a motherfucking queen.